Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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