The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
