Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?