...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?