Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle