I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?