Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine