Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
