I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize