"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
