Duck Duck Cougar?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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