thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
