Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
