I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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