He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
