plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
