nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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