is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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