Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
