Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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