i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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