Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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