This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
