i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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