All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
