Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
