Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
