We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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