If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
wow bdsm is so cute
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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