Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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