i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
