My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
