Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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