I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
