We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
