so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
