naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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