Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I believe in your delicious
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
