I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
