I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
