So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
