Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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