PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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