Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I see more hoeing in ur future
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
