pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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