My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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