You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
