Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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