Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I believe in your delicious
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