At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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