Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
