Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
