Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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