I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
