i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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