i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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