Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't notice because vodka
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
