I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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