I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He better not be in your backpack
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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