You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
