Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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