im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
