PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
