I'm going to jail i love you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize