You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
