my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
