Why is your signature on my underwear?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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