it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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