What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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