I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
