She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
